You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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