i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
