well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
