dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
