Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
