i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
