god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
