felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
