I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
