i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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