She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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