I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize