I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
