if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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