The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
