I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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