if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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