6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
