I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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