So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
