why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
