11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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