i used baking grease as lip gloss
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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