Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
