dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
