Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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