I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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