Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
