don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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