i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
