You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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