70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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