I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I love having hate sex.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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