Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
