What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
