Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
