At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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