My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
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When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
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Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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