can u get pink eye on your cock?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
