you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
