do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
