i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
