i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
