I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize