I just gift wrapped bread.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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