Taylor Swift is so right about you.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my sisters under your porch take her home
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
