I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
