We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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