Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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