At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize