I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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