Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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