oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
