I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
