No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
