I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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