I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
