Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we're making bets on your personal life
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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