So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
