I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
