i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
