if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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