I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
