So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
