The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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